When we hear the word sibling, we automatically think rivalry. From the Bible to Freud to the latest celebrity interview, bonds with sisters and brothers are assumed to be fundamentally and permanently problematic. This ground-breaking book challenges that age-old belief by explaining how and why our adult sisters and brothers matter deeply to us - and we to them - and how we can use that understanding to create more satisfying connections with them.

Original Kin begins with a deceptively simple question: Why bother? What makes our adult sibling bonds distinctly different from any other relationship in our lives, and valuable in ways that no other bond can replicate? Drawing on the latest research and compelling interviews with eighty men and women, journalist Marian Sandmaier explores the complex array of influences that work to create and maintain particular types of adult sibling relationships.

She also shares her own deeply personal search for the meaning of her bonds with her two brothers and her sister - a search triggered by the sudden death of one of her brothers at age thirty-three.

In a major contribution to our understanding of adult sibling ties, Sandmaier exposes the limits of birth-order theory and shows how gender far more profoundly shapes our relationships with sisters and brothers.

Individual chapters explore the distinctive bonds that develop between brothers, between sisters, and between brothers and sisters, probing the reasons why many sisters deeply identify with each other even amid coexisting conflicts, why competition between brothers isn't always as destructive as commonly assumed, and why sister-brother bonds are often the most challenging to negotiate to the satisfaction of both parties.

This is also a book about possibilities. It is about how our ties with sisters and brothers continue to grow and change shape throughout our lifetimes, and about the particular turning points in our adult lives that offer chances to deepen closeness, deactivate conflicts, or balance lopsided bonds. Sandmaier closes with a powerful message of hope and a wealth of helpful strategies for those who would like to revitalize or repair their own sibling connections.

Original Kin makes a stirring and provocative case for our need for - and our capacity to develop - sustaining emotional ties with our sisters and brothers throughout our lives.