An uproarious tale told in alternating voices follows the stories of a pet shop owner and a curmudgeon who find themselves on the run from police, terrorists, and a pizza chain mascot. One character, Philip Horkman is a happy man, the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for kids' soccer. The other, Jeffrey Peckerman is the sole sane person in a world filled with goddamned jerks and morons, and he's having a really bad day. The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, terrorists, subversives, bears, and a man dressed as Chuck E. Cheese.