North American culture bombards girls and women with negative and demeaning images of their gender. It trains girls and women to "give themselves away" by overemphasizing their caring for others and underdeveloping their sense of voice and personal authority. Carol Lakey Hess asks in this book whether caring families and the church can make a difference in the outcome of our daughters' development. She believes they can - but that, given the church's history, it is not inevitable.

Many churches, even those that are well-intentioned, are often girl-denying places. Weaving together theological, psychological, and biblical sources. Hess examines how theologies of self-sacrifice thwart both the spiritual and the psychological development of women by subverting their necessary self-assertion. The importance of self-differentiation and cognitive autonomy and of caring and connection are discussed, using as illustrations biblical stories, excerpts from novels, and an in-depth look at eating disorders.

The book argues compellingly for an educational process in communities of faith that nurtures women toward being caretakers of their own house (self) and of our common house (the community of faith).