First Sentence

"Hello Folks, This is Eric Morecambe. As the good looking and intelligent half of the act I thought I would say a few words on behalf of myself and my partner Ernie. Poor Ernie. Goodness knows what would have become of him if I hadn't rescued him from that old people's home. I keep trying to cheer him up. 'Look' I say to him,'what does it matter if you're little and fat and ugly and stupid and poor and don't smell very nice? That's not everything, you know'. He's so grateful, it's pathetic............ Hello Folks, This is Ernie Wise. I want to say a few words about the act. I, as you no doubt know, am the strapping one, the brains of the outfit and the one whom the girls cannot resist. Although I appear to be the straight man, I am the one who gets the laughs because of my polished, sophisticated delivery and split-second timing. I won't say anything about Eric. It's not fair to take advantage of the feeble-minded, and I did promise his mother I'd look after him......................."